Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
