So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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