I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
