This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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