Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
