Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
