His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
