I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
