Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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