my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
