ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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