im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
