I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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