you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
