non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
