It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
