Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
