Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
