I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
