sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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