My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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