'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
