Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
