My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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