Welp...herpes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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