I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
