Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
