if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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