Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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