The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
