this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
