I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
