She is in my trunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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