I love having hate sex.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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