She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
