You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
