Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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