and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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