you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
