have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
