Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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