Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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