She said her name was "party"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
