So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
