i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
