Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
