I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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