I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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