And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
