Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
