We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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