I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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