did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
