I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
