The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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